...any physical or psychological harm experienced by one person from another with whom an intimate relationship is or has been shared.

    Domestic Violence is a pattern of behavior to establish power and control over another person through fear and intimidation.  This often includes violence or threats of violence.  Not all forms of domestic violence are against the law and there are not always physical signs of abuse.  Physical violence and threats of physical violence are most likely to lead to arrest.  Hurtful words and controlling behaviors leave scars in their own way.

Victims of violence Experience...

...intimidation, manipulation, fear, name calling, punched walls, broken belongings, being shove/beaten/choked/kicked, criticism, forced sex, control of finances, lying, depression, crying and afraid children, sexist comments, scrapes and bruises, abandonment, confusion, shame, slammed doors, silent treatment, feelings of craziness, humiliation in public, drinking and fighting, violence to pets, broken promises, unwanted touching, isolation from family and friends, guilt, threats to take away the children, threats to kick them out, threats to kill them...

Has your intimate partner done any of these things to you?

PHYSICAL ABUSE

• pushed or shoved you
• held you to keep you from leaving
• slapped or bit you
• kicked, choked, hit, or punched you
• locked you out of the house
• abandoned you in a dangerous place
• refused to help you when you were sick, injured, or pregnant
• subjected you to reckless driving
• forced you off the road or kept you from driving
• raped you
• threatened or hurt you with a weapon

SEXUAL ABUSE

• told anti woman jokes or made demeaning remarks about women
• treated women as sex objects
• been jealously angry, assuming you would have sex with any available person
• insisted you dress in a more sexual way than you wanted
• minimized the importance of your feelings about sex
• criticized your sexuality
• insisted on unwanted and uncomfortable touching
• withheld sex and affection
• called you derogatory sexual names like "whore" or "frigid"
• forced you to strip when you didn't want to
• publicly showed sexual interest in other people
• had affairs with others after agreeing to a monogamous relationship
• forced you to have unwanted sex with others or forced you to watch others
• forced particular unwanted sexual acts
• forced sex after beating
• forced sex when you were sick or it was dangerous to your health
• forced sex for the purpose of hurting you with objects or weapons
• committed sadistic sexual acts

PSYCHOLOGICAL/EMOTIONAL ABUSE

• ignored your feelings
• ridiculed or insulted women as a group
• ridiculed or insulted your most valued beliefs, your religion, race, or heritage
• withheld approval, appreciation, or affection as punishment
• continually criticized you, called you names, shouted at you
• insulted or drove away your friends or family
• humiliated you in public or private
• refused to socialize with you
• kept you from working, controlled your money, made all decisions
• refused to work or share money
• took car keys or money away
• regularly threatened to leave or told you to leave
• threatened to kidnap the children if you left
• abused pets to hurt you
• told you about affairs in which the batterer has been engaged
• harassed you about affairs the batterer imagined you were having
• manipulated you with lies and contradictions

*Compiled in part from Getting Free by Ginny Nicarthy

•     They are not doing anything wrong.
•     If they are doing something wrong, they won't get caught.
•     If they get caught, they can talk their way out of it or the consequences will be light.

Family Violence in Larimer County, Colorado

Family violence is the leading cause of injuries to women ages 15-44, more common than automobile accidents, muggings, and cancer combined (American Medical Association).

In Larimer County, law enforcement authorities respond to over 1,000 calls and make over 500 arrests for family violence each year.

Crossroads Safehouse provides intervention to break the cycle of abuse. Since 1980, Crossroads has provided a safe haven for battered women and children to seek support, understanding, and counseling for family violence. Crossroads handles over 5,000 requests for assistance each year.

Family violence includes both physical assault and emotional abuse. Living with abuse wears down a woman's spirit and tears apart a child's security and self-esteem. Children may learn and repeat this cycle of destructive behavior as adults.